Putting Away Childish Things Pt 2: You aren’t the boss of me!

I Cor 13:5 ….it (love) does not insist on its own way….

Well, maybe I could have also called this post “I’m not the boss of you!” But both are true.

Matt 20:25-28But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,and whoever would be first among you must be your slave,even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

I will be honest, I was hoping to do these in order after the first part of the series, but patience has been His #1 focus for me since March and I am not yet able to write about it. And now looking back, if I were to choose one of the I Cor 13 admonitions about what love is and isn’t to be the lynch pin — this one might be it. In fact, when I look back on my life I would say that the people who loved me best knew how to guide me and counsel me without demanding their own way or being controlling. It takes a great desire to be merciful to excel in this aspect of love.

You know, there are a lot of things I wish. I wish everyone saw things the way I see them spiritually, I wish we all pronounced the Name of YHVH the way I pronounce it and that everyone kept the same calendar as I keep. I wish that because it would be easy, and part of me wants to be “right.” And there is no problem with wanting a certain amount of uniformity — but there is a very grave problem with enforcing that uniformity in my own image.

That is what “insisting on my own way” amounts to — demanding uniformity according to my standards, instead of being satisfied with unity according to His standards.

Insisting on my own way in the lives of others (forcing them to do things my way), apart from requiring that I display rudeness and arrogance (and probably resentment and bitterness towards those who resist me) in opposition to I Cor 13:4-6, is a form of idolatry. When I insist on my own way in anyone’s life apart from my own, I am subverting God’s right to be your Heavenly Father, to be the One to set the rules for His own house, and to discipline His own children. When I insist on my own way in your life, I am making you in my image, not encouraging you towards being conformed to His image. Do I have to follow the laws of God? Yes! Do I have to do it according to my best understanding? Yes! Do I have a right to demand that you do everything my way? NO!

If I were to name the #1 problem with ministers today, and the largest form of ministerial abuse — it would be that too many “men (and women) of God” are trying to make disciples in their own image. They are taking control of a congregation and demanding their own way, demanding they be agreed with, and oftentimes use the pulpit and social media both to enforce their beliefs and interpretations as well as to keep those who disagree in their place. But as we see from the words of Yeshua (Jesus), that isn’t the way we are supposed to operate. A minister is a servant and a guide, not the Father, not the Spirit, and certainly not inerrant.

But it isn’t just ministers doing this — it’s wanna be social media ministers who can’t stand it if you don’t do and see things their way according to their timetable (ah, there’s patience again!). But I tell you the truth, if we cannot bear people doing things differently than we do, it is most certainly not the unction of the Holy Spirit — it is our fleshy desire to insist on our own way. So what if people keep a different calendar? So what if they do not pronounce the Name the way we do? So what if they keep a commandment according to a different understanding than we do, as long as they are keeping it? Are we the arbiters of correctness? Are we the ones who get our own way, have we reached such a vaulted state of perfection that we are the ones who get to determine the path for the entire rest of the Body? And especially the new people who are so passionate, how long have we been so right after being so wrong? Oh brothers and sisters, we should be so much more humble than we are. Before seeking to lead people in the truth, we should make sure we know it — and we should be mature enough to no longer mind that people do things differently.

To quote Bill Cosby, “Who made you the Jello sheriff of the house?”

If we cannot tolerate people who do things a bit differently, then we are not mature enough to be great ones in the Kingdom because we still have the gentile mindset of lording authority over others. We are resources, not rulers. We are still sheep, not the Shepherd. We are servants, not sovereigns. This is His Kingdom, His flock, and we are His servants. Our job is to represent Him, according to His character. How often do we see Messiah forcing His way onto people? Following them into their homes uninvited after they walk away from one of His sermons? How often do we see Him hurling insults at believers who are genuinely trying to do things the right way but simply do not understand? Never. Oh, when we don’t know the first century context, it seems like He is insulting people willy-nilly but once we know the histories of the specific groups of people He was talking to and what they were doing, we see His restraint. We never even see Him laying down ultimatums — we see Him teaching His talmidim (disciples) and everyone else who would listen. Even Yeshua never demanded His own way. He expounded upon the Kingdom of Heaven, and called people to follow. He just taught the truth to the people who chose to listen. They had the right to refuse and walk away without being insulted and jeered at. Let’s be honest, we don’t jeer at people for walking away from Him, we jeer at them for walking away from us. And a whole lot of people don’t know the difference between those two situations. They want an audience, even if they have to get one by force.

You see, even though it was about Yeshua, He made it clear that it wasn’t about Him. It was about the Father who sent Him. That was the message of Yeshua, “obey the Father, it’s His doctrine that I preach, follow Me because I obey Him completely and perfectly.” He is God in the flesh and yet never acted like it, in the way most of us would, and oftentimes do.

No matter how long we have been at this, no matter our lineage, no matter our educational credentials – we didn’t create these people, and we didn’t die for them and we are not the lawgivers. We are the beneficiaries of all that, not the source. So let’s stop acting like the source, like our way is the right way for everyone. We don’t have the right to insist on our own way, and we don’t have the right to be irritated and judgmental when someone doesn’t do things our way, especially in the minutiae. In fact, our time would be better spent in humble prayer, on our face, seeking Him out as to whether we are doing things His way at all — and to stop looking down on others, just assuming we are right, placing confidence in our own flesh and assuming that our every though is Spirit-led.

Love allows other people to follow Messiah and obey God according to God’s plan for their life. When we get in the way of that, trying to become the mediator, it is presumptuous and divisive. Everything we do needs to point to God, and never to ourselves. If we do that, then we have faithfully served our Master. If we do not do that, then we are the ones who should be accused of rebellion, not the people who are doing things differently.

Putting Away Childish Things Pt 1: It’s Time to Start Acting Like Adults

I Cor 13:11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.

Seems straightforward enough, right? We grew up, we got jobs, we settled down and started families, and we pay our bills. So we’re adults right? Maybe not.

I Cor 13 is one of the most well known chapters in scripture, and we like to quote the “Love is…” portion, especially when we want to scold someone who has been unloving. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I had a two night series of dreams, and you might say I was issued a wake up call, a challenge and an ultimatum. It’s time to grow up. I won’t go into the details of the dreams, they were too long and involved and interpreting them would be interesting but unnecessary. Let it suffice to say that I was given a verse, and then I was given the bigger picture. The verse was I Cor 13:11 and the bigger picture was the entire chapter in a context I had never seen before.

I Cor 13 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ²And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant ⁵or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. ⁷It bears all (roof over, protect) things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. ⁹For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; ¹⁰but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end.¹¹When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways.

I never saw it before, but I Cor 13 describes the difference between an adult and a child. I will pause here to point out that in our relationship with God, we are called to become as children — it is a recognition of relational hierarchy. He is the Father, He calls the shots and sets the rules of the house. Being His children, however, does not give us the right to behave in a childish manner towards others. We are called to be adults — not in how we see ourselves in relation to Him but in how we interact with others. Now I don’t see a lot of that, I see a lot of folks trying to be adults on equal standing with Him and acting like children with each other — and I don’t exempt myself from that criticism.

The beginning of I Cor 13 describes all the things we pursue in our own lives to mark us as uber spiritually mature adults, things like speaking in tongues, being prophetic, having great scriptural understanding, displaying great faith, giving generously until we have nothing left to give, and being tortured, persecuted or martyred. I tell you that even little children can act these things out, any child can do external works, but what children do not know how to do is love as adults are called to love. And frankly, neither can the overwhelming majority of adults I have ever met.

This passage of scripture is not simply about love, it is about defining what are the childish things and what are the adult things – what it is to speak and reason like a child and what it is to speak and reason like an adult. Once I realized this, I was astounded to see how far I fall short.

Adults are patient. It is childish to be impatient.

Adults are kind. It is childish to be unmerciful.

Adults are humble and grateful for their portion. It is childish to be envious, boastful, and prideful.

Adults are polite and gentle. It is childish to be rude.

Adults are not demanding or controlling. It is childish to insist on having your own way in the lives of others.

Adults are forgiving and long-suffering. It is childish to be resentful and irritable.

Adults do not rejoice in wrongdoing. It is childish to gleefully gossip about the evil deeds and embarrassing moments of others.

Adults rejoice in the truth. It is childish to reject that which we do not want to believe.

Adults cover and do not expose. It is childish to needlessly expose those who are already vulnerable.

Adults keep believing and keep doing in accordance with that belief. It is childish to only believe and do when times are easy.

Adults keep hoping for the best. It is childish to casually condemn situations and people.

Adults endure whatever is put before them. It is childish to drop out of the race because the terrain is treacherous.

How do we measure up? Did you do as badly as I did? It is time to put away those childish things — online, in our congregations and in the sight of the world. To be an adult is to reflect the revealed character of God, to be childish is to look in the scriptures and read everything through the lens of our own character and agendas and act accordingly and assume the great sin of Psalm 50:21 “you thought that I was one just like yourself.” How much of our character, our tone, our mood, and our agendas are we foisting upon God — in essence blaspheming His character by speaking His words in our ways. Are we depleting His words of their patience, kindness, humility, gentleness, self-control, and mercy? His words do not return void, but what happens when we make His words ours through presenting them in our childishness instead of His mature perfection?

I have often said that I wish people were created with a switch on their back that would preclude them from breeding until they were mature adults. And the more I learn about His character and how we blaspheme it, I wish there was a switch on our back precluding us from even speaking one of His words until we are mature believers. Perhaps it would be wise for us to all pray that He would shut us up until we can bring Him honor and stop exposing Him to shame. I have so very many regrets, we have done Him great evil and brought untold shame upon His Name.

Developing Godly Character Pt 10: Relying on the Body

This is difficult for me to even write, because this is an area where my character is anything but godly. That I can recognize and communicate the truth, does not mean that I have implemented it in my own life.

Here’s the deal. A lot of believers fall into one or more of the following categories:

1. Familial abuse, resulting in not being able to rely on one’s own family.

2. Religious abuse, resulting in an inability to rely on the Body of Messiah.

3. Societal abuse, resulting in general isolation.

All three of these foster an attitude of never wanting to entrust to others what one can do themselves. It seems virtuous. and courageous, and strong, but it generally amounts to selfishness, fearfulness and weakness. We are never what we could be because we are alone, even in the midst of relatives. We are never able to fulfill our highest callings because we settle only for what we can do on our own. We live our lives unable to trust because we resent those we could not trust, projecting their crimes on the rest of the world. We are often one strand cords even though we are successfully married, have successful businesses, and are branded as over-achievers and perfectionists.

But our perfectionism isn’t always about desiring to be perfect (although those brought up in harshly critical environments often do feel that way), sometimes it is just an extension of the ego that does not want to admit that we need anyone else.

So we handle our own problems, because we have been trained through experience to believe that no one will care enough to help us. Furthermore, we are afraid to be indebted to our helpers, terrified that it will be used against us as leverage. We might put on a brave face and project spiritual perfection, because we are afraid of not being perceived as enough. We try to look and sound tough, so that no one will get too close and see our vulnerability.

So many of us dealt with abuse in the church that I am shocked anyone is still left in it. And I am not just talking about sexual abuse, I am talking about the type of abuse that twists and misrepresents the character of our God and King so terribly that there is literally no one on earth or in Heaven who we would ever want to rely on. And that scares us. So we go it alone. We can go it alone at home or in the midst of a mega-church, it works either way. One way just looks more righteous than the other.

The sad thing is that it is preventing us from becoming the Body. We watch people get abused and we don’t get involved. We let teachers and preachers and prophets and apostles slide on sin while we come down hard on the world. The Body is full of bullies who are actively training people to run from community.

But like it or not, community is what we are called to be. Ten years ago I went through a terrible persecution in my own home church at the hands of a pastor who took it upon himself to lie about me behind the scenes to the rest of the congregation based on something he wrongly thought I said, never once asking if I had said it. And the Body stood by and did nothing. I didn’t even know exactly what was going on because no one would talk to me. I found out months later, after I finally left. What hurt the worst was not not the betrayal of one man and his wife, who I loved, but the refusal of the Body to stand up. The words of Messiah were preached to them, Leviticus 19:18 — “And you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am YHVH.” But they were not willing to love me as themselves, unless they wanted to be preached against and gossiped about by a man who didn’t even fact check.

This morning I started teaching my children in earnest about the greatest commandments, and how the Body of Messiah is failing in both. Hillel I, when challenged by a Gentile to preach the entire Torah standing on one foot, stood on one foot and said, “Anything that is hateful to you, do not do to others.”

But we treat Messiah unlovingly when we consort with those who once knew Him and now actively slander Him. I know that if someone made or posted a picture of me as a zombie with the caption, “He was dead but now he’s alive and he wants your soul,” and my friends turned a blind eye, I would not believe them if they claimed to love me. And I haven’t even died for any of my friends, so how much more loyalty should there be for the one who did?

And we treat each other unlovingly when we don’t question those who post vitriolic accusations online, when we simply take their word for it. If by our actions we are doing what would be hateful if it was done to us, then we are not operating in love or mercy, or kindness or goodness. When we stand by and watch well-meaning people whose only crime is that their eyes have not been opened called idiotic, rebellious pagans — we ought to consider if that is a tactic that would draw us in or drive us away. The people that Messiah insulted — they weren’t the people who were genuinely trying, they were the people buying the priesthood, who were murdering their political/religious opponents, who were in the pocket of Rome. They were the destroyers of community, and sometimes we act just like them, on our own limited scale. We need to think before we post, and before we respond. We must ask, “Would this be hateful to me.” And then we have to be really honest, and we have to ask the Father to reveal the truth to us that we so oftentimes hide from ourselves.

When we start being the Body, people are going to get healed, people are going to come to the assembly the way they did in the early church, in droves. Why would anyone want to face persecution in order to fellowship with the Body the way it is now? But if we start loving, if we cease to do what is hateful, if we stop making excuse after excuse for our behavior, pretending like flesh is Spirit, then we will do greater things than Yeshua ever did. Yeshua never changed the world, He changed a group of good men and women and then they changed the world through the power of His resurrection.

I feel it, I feel it in my bones, that it is time. Even we introverts are feeling the call to community. It has been haunting my dreams lately. It’s time to be loving. We have no more excuses and no more time. We can’t wait for someone else to take the first step.

So I am here saying that I am willing to be willing to put my life in your hands (I needed two willings in there because I am still working on it). I am willing to be step up and become reliable, to stop jumping to conclusions, to stop jumping on the bandwagon, to stop jumping on my brothers and sisters. I am willing to let you help me, and I am willing to admit that I need you because I can’t do community without you. I can’t fulfill a lot of the commandments unless I have you in my life. And there are commandments you can’t fulfill if I am not willing to receive from you. This is probably the most terrifying things I have ever written. I am willing to have you potentially betray me in hopes of coming together in community. I am willing to risk you letting me down and to risk watching you stand by while people hurt me. I am willing to admit that there is a piece of me missing that I can’t fill for myself, even though every time I contemplate that fact (and I know it is a fact), my mind wants to push it aside and deny it. I pray you are willing to risk the same things too. I will try to hold up my end of the bargain.

We have to start relying on each other and we need to start being reliable. It’s potentially the most important character issue of all.