Developing Godly Character Pt 9: Confessions of an Ungrateful Brat

People who have known me a long time won’t be shocked by this post. Whenever I uncover something truly wretched about myself I like to use it as a way to encourage and edify others. While some may see it as a rebuke, I don’t, because learning the truth about ourselves is a gift and an opportunity for truth and deeper relationship and greater fruit in our lives.

Over the weekend I came across a series of teachings offered by Ryan White about honor and shame and the patron-client relationship that is found throughout the scriptures, something I had never given any thought to. In his exposition on the historical concept of the grace relationship, where gifts are freely given by a greater being and reciprocated by the lesser, resulting in deeper levels of relationship and intimacy and honor, I realized how short I fell in this area.

When someone gives us a gift, the proper response springs out of a deep sense of gratitude. It is not acceptable to simply accept the gift and move on without acknowledging it. It is not acceptable among friends and so it is certainly not acceptable when the giver of the gift is the God of the universe, YHVH Elohim. Receiving a gift from the Creator is an incredible privilege — be it the breath in our lungs, our daily bread, a paycheck, rain in season, or the gifts that we would call miracles. He gives these things to us, they were created by Him and He gives them in season, and it is fitting to be grateful and reciprocate with our love, demonstrated through worship and obedience and public recognition.

Gifts have always made me uncomfortable, and I never knew why. I mean, screamingly uncomfortable. Want to pull my hair out uncomfortable. I have never known how to respond. Indeed, I have even been afraid of responding.

You know what? That is ingratitude — I am so uncomfortable that I allow that discomfort to overshadow the gift and the honor due the person who gave me the gift. The proper response is to honor the giver, they deserve to be honored and recognized for the gift. There is an ancient concept concerning gifts — that we should never accept a gift that it would pain us to reciprocate, and that is a stunning truth. If a gift comes with strings attached, let them pull on those strings and have it back. We should not be eager to accept gifts from just anyone.

God’s gifts also come with strings attached. His gifts are tied into the concept of relationship — and if all we ever do is take and take and take and take and never give back to Him, never honor Him, never obey Him then we are in effect shallowing out the relationship. But if He gives and we reciprocate, then He gives again and we reciprocate, and on and on — isn’t that the very nature of our healthy earthly relationships? All relationships, except with the smallest of children, involve a give and take cycle and as children grow it becomes less and less one-sided.

But I allowed Pentecostalism to twist my sense of gratitude. You know, the prosperity gospel, that idea that we always have to be looking to the next gift, never satisfied, never truly full of joy because we don’t have it all yet. I have what I need, but I am not rich so I have to strive in prayer because what I have isn’t good enough. I call it the “Gimme Gospel.” Gimme this and Gimme that! In my case, it revolved around my son Andrew who was born with multiple birth defects. We have received healings, oh my goodness, praise YHVH we have seen the kinds of healings people only dream of — the things my child can do that other children with spina bifida can’t, walking, running, jumping, skipping, he even rides a longboard! But — I had my eyes so firmly and unwaveringly on the 100% healing of his body that everything else seemed like a failure. I had my eyes so firmly on MY end goal that I had very little appreciation for the reality that so much has been given to us and to our son. Having my eyes on what I wanted and being unwilling to settle for “less” was stealing the gratitude I owed God because of the amazingly wonderful gifts I had already been given. Seeing partial healings as “less” obscured the fact that I had been given “more.” Yes, I would praise Him in the assembly when He would do something amazing, but I was embarrassed because Andrew was not “100%.” And that embarrassment would turn to ingratitude. I was no longer grateful for what I had, but focused on what I did not have and already grumbling for it. And frankly, there are a whole lot of people out there only too happy to help you become ungrateful — you know, the people who whenever you praise God for a gift, they try to steal His glory because the gift wasn’t as good as they think it should have been, or they simply do not want to acknowledge God working to bless your life? But that is blasphemy, anything we do to diminish the honor of God.

You see, there is a big difference between being thrilled with the gifts of God, yet hoping and asking for more because His gifts are all good, and being dissatisfied because the gift was not enough, therefore demanding more. It’s like praying for a raise, getting one and then being angry because it wasn’t big enough for you. The limited nature of His gifts can be a gift in and of themselves because they reveal our hearts. They reveal either our gratitude and joy or our ingratitude and resentment.

And so here I am, confessing my ingratitude. I have been a spoiled brat, wallowing in blessings like a pig in mud, with hardly a thought in my head as to truly how much I have been given and without a care as to how much honor He deserves daily from me, moment by moment, for all of it.

I have spent my life wondering why I have so little peace and why I have never possessed joy. And once I figured this out, I started feeling peace in this cycle of grace. He has given to me out of the bounty of His love and generosity, and I render to Him what belongs to Him, my trust, my obedience, and all else I can do to protect and promote His honor in the eyes of the world. My prayers now no longer focus on what I do not have, the healings and provision I want for my son and others, but on the honor He is due for all He has provided already. My prayers are becoming worship, instead of petitions. And I can feel a relationship of trust and appreciation deepening within me.

The Character of God as Father Pt 11 — Protecting His Daughters

One of the great crimes of religion is the misrepresentation of the character of our heavenly Father as it relates to how He feels about women. The Talmud (which contains the traditions of the elders Yeshua (Jesus) spoke of) and the epistles of Paul (taken out of historical and biblical context) have been used to subjugate and denigrate God’s precious daughters for far too long.

Unfortunately, these religious attitudes have been carried into families, even in modern times — girls are often made to feel that they aren’t good enough, that they are just potential whores, that their birth was a disappointment. But does the Bible, in context, back that up at all? What does the Bible say about women?

Gen 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

The first mention of woman is positive, that she was meant as a helper for the man. Not a slave, not a burden, not lesser. Same genetics — different plumbing, different strengths and different weaknesses. If man was sufficient, he would not have needed help. And in fact, we know that man was not sufficient because by one man sin entered into the world (Ro 5:12) when Adam failed the first commandment to keep (guard) the garden and allowed the serpent to enter in. Adam needed help.

As Eve was created to help Adam, so Sarah helped Abraham.
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Gen 21:12 And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.

What about Isaac and Rebekah? Rebekah was a prophetess who heard the voice of God and knew His will for the children inside her, and made sure that the blessings fell upon God’s choice and not Isaac’s choice.

Gen 25:23 And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.

What about Tamar? Judah had this to say about her when she made sure that he upheld Torah law, bringing forth an ancestor of Messiah.

Gen 38:26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.

And Miriam, Moses’ sister, what did the prophet Micah say about her? That she was one of the three leaders of Israel in the wilderness, a prophetess in her own right.
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Micah 6:4 For I brought thee up out of the land of Egypt, and redeemed thee out of the house of servants; and I sent before thee Moses, Aaron, and Miriam.

Deborah was one of the greatest Judges of Israel, in that she led the nation and no sins are recorded against her. She even commanded the leader of the armies, who respected her counsel so much that he refused to go to war unless she came with him.

Judges 4:4-6 Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Ethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, “The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor.

I could really go on all day with virtuous and respected women from scripture, women of authority and wisdom. I could also tell you about a few wicked women, like Jezebel, the pagan Queen, but most of the women listed in scripture were Israelites and greatly respected. In the New Testament scriptures, the pattern holds. Priscilla is listed before her husband as a teacher in the book of Acts, following the cultural pattern of listing the greater before the lesser. Junia (a feminine name, in that the original manuscripts do not have the “s” at the end denoting male gender) is mentioned as outstanding among the apostles. We have witness after witness of women as helpers, as able to discern right from wrong, as giving wise counsel (like Abigail, who saved her husband’s hired men from the wrath of David), as being leaders, judges, and teachers — and every bit as able to hear from God as men. So where does the hostility come from?

Well, certainly not from the commandments found in Torah. You know, I used to be scared of the Torah because I read it through the eyes of self-rejection as a woman. I really didn’t believe that Fathers loved their little girls at all. And so, like many, I read it the way it was taught instead of the way it was written. However, I have found that from beginning to end, the commandments are not written to condemn women or subjugate them, but often to protect them from men!

There are laws protecting women from incest, and having to perform sexually during their menstrual cycle, from rape and from being abandoned after being seduced. There is a law that gives a way for a wife to prove she is innocent of adultery when her husband becomes jealous. There are laws that protect widows. The punitive laws against women are always equally punitive against men — adulterers were stoned to death, male and female together IF they were caught in the act by multiple witnesses. There were no unequal standards of justice, no more weight given to the testimony of a man than a woman. There is a law protecting a woman from having to travel for the feasts when it would be burdensome. There is even an interesting law that protects a woman who has made a foolish oath in the heat of the moment, by giving her husband or father the ability to nullify it when they hear of it. Lets face it, compassion is one of our female strengths, but it also sometimes leads us into dangerous promises, and our Heavenly Father has made allowances for it. We tend to lead with our hearts to a fault, at times, just as men lead with their heads (or fists) to their fault, at times. Its why we need each other!

But read in a negative light, these laws look like they are actually against women, and not in favor of them. When you read that only men are required to assemble for the feasts three times a year, it is a wrong mindset to see it as “women are not welcome.” Instead, think of what it would be like to haul small children to the crowded city of Jerusalem, or during your period when there were no modern sanitary products or facilities, or if you were really, really pregnant! When we begin to look at how each of the laws were there for the benefit of the woman, we begin to get a glimpse into the heart of God towards His daughters – to whom He entrusted the bringing forth of life and therefore special consideration and protection. So again, where is the hostility from? I believe that some of it is from an improper understanding of the prophets.

The scripture has much to say about our sinful nature, and that language is very feminine in nature — not because women are terrible, but because the assembly of believers ever since Sinai has been likened to the wife, or bride of God. And so there is much language in the Bible that seems to be derogatory towards women when it is directed at both male and female equally by using the picture of a woman who is unfaithful.

Now the fact that He uses an unfaithful woman is very telling about how He feels about women in general, and the picture it paints of how he sees women is not negative but very positive.

The art of comparison and contrast is a very important part of Jewish writing, especially parables. Now why was Messiah’s parable about the good Samaritan so effective? Because to his audience, Samaritans were contemptible, idolatrous half-breeds who practiced a form of mixed religion, half Bible and half Paganism. Samaritans were expected to exhibit certain qualities, and virtue was not one of them! So when Yeshua told the story of the virtuous Samaritan, the whole idea would have been quite shocking.

In the same way, when the prophets ranted about Israel being the whorish wife of YHVH — that would have been shocking as well, because your average Israelite wife was not a whore in the physical sense. Historically, women have been held to much higher standards than men in terms of virtue and piety. A man can go out and cheat on his wife and if his wife is virtuous, the parentage of the children is not in question, but if the wife is immoral, her children are forever suspected of being bastards. We women have always understood this. Proverbs 31 isn’t a laundry list of unachievable goals, its a recognition of the many roles women play on a regular basis. There is no such corresponding list for men recorded in scripture. But there is a large laundry list for men in Torah of what they are not allowed to do to us!

The entire idea that women are less than men is not to be found in scripture. Women are different than men. Not superior, but different. Anyone who has a problem with women has a problem with their Creator, because we represent aspects of His character that men struggle with — and vice versa. Of course God loves women — He uses feminine terms not only to shock the unfaithful, but also, and more importantly, to describe the body of believers that He will rule and reign over during the Millennium. If being feminine is to be equated with being whorish and unfaithful and lustful, then it must also be equated with being undefiled, pure and spotless. We must, in all things, look to the entire word of God. Every word is established by the mouth of two witnesses, so if only one person is writing something and it is unwitnessed elsewhere, look again and see if maybe the one witness is being misunderstood, badly translated, or taken entirely out of context.

Thanks to my sister Mindy Cole for allowing me to use this beautiful picture of her daughter, total cuteness overload.

The Character of God as Teacher Pt 2

The scriptures were given by God to teach us about Himself, but they were also given to us to teach ourselves about ourselves because, let’s face it, it’s our end of the relationship that needs work, not His end. How He does this tells us as much about His character as does the very fact that He bothers to teach us at all. He wants our character to be excellent, like His, but the way He does it is entirely compassionate, from the beginning.

Our first example of how to do things is found in Gen 2:16-17 where God gives a commandment to the man He created.

16 And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:

17 But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.

God knew that the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, a tree that brought an unholy mixture, would make it impossible for the man to live a life separate from the mixture of the holy and the profane. This was a pure commandment, very straightforward and simple, given to a pure human being. And inspired by the guile of the serpent, it was disobeyed and there were consequences. And then we, as immature believers, criticize Eve, who was more perfect and pure than we could ever imagine and say, “Boy I would never have eaten that fruit!” And then we say, “Boy I would have never grumbled against Moses in the wilderness!” And then, after shaking our heads at every patriarch and King, we go forward to say, “I would have never rejected Messiah!”

But God knows better, and after too many years I have come to know better too. I am Eve, I am the mixed multitude in the wilderness, I am the Pharisee leaders. I am every person in the Bible who lacked faith, who lied, who murdered, who broke the commandments — and the Bible was given to me in order to show me that, because the scriptures are a revealer of the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Heb 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

But it took Him time to start showing me that, and the method He used was entirely compassionate and patient.

When we read the scriptures over and over again (remember last time I talked about teaching by repetition?), the stories of the people of God become alive to us, they become real people with real histories. It is as though we are sitting on a grandfather’s lap hearing about the generations of our family, the good, the bad and the ugly — and indeed once we are grafted in to Israel through faith and obedience and belief through the blood of Yeshua (Jesus), we are the children of Israel, and the forefathers are our forefathers. This is exactly how the Bible is set up, to teach us what is and what will be through what was. They are our examples of how and how not to do things.

I Cor 10:11 Now all these things happened unto them for examples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.

This isn’t a schoolhouse way of teaching, this is a family style of teaching, teaching through real life events where people made real choices which had real consequences, sometimes long-lasting consequences. It’s a loving teaching style that gives us the opportunity to search ourselves before we get into mischief. But, unless we look at it that way, and come to a point where we are willing to refrain from looking down on those people whose mistakes are recorded, and start looking for glimpses of ourselves in those mistakes, they profit us nothing. In fact, not only will they be profitless, but worse than profitless, because they will be a source of pride as we say, “Oh I would never…” In short, it is not the teaching style that is flawed, but the attitude with which we approach it.

Adam and Eve aren’t the only people to disobey a direct commandment, I’ve done it. Noah isn’t the only person to have gotten into a compromised position through losing control of his faculties, I’ve done it. Abraham and Sarah are not the only people who have presumptuously created a bad situation because they lacked the faith to wait, I’ve done it. How these things happened in my life looked entirely different, and the consequences looked different, but at it’s root, I committed the same sins. I am going to give my favorite example, and apply it to my own life and show you what He taught me. For anyone unfamiliar with what I do, I share my failures (like the Bible does) and show parallels from the scriptures to help show how nothing has changed.

So, lately the boys and I have been reading through the first five books of the Bible, and they are very typical kids. When the mixed multitude in the desert (Israelites and the foreigners who left Egypt with them in order to follow God) start grumbling and complaining against Moses and even wanting to stone him, my boys are always just astounded, “Oh my gosh these guys are idiots, God parted the Sea and made all those plagues and they are complaining?!” I tell them that we do the same thing and if we were out there in the wilderness we might be the grumblers too. But they never believe me, they haven’t reached that point of maturity where they are really able to honestly evaluate their own behavior and see the connections.

So, last night, my husband came home from work as I was patching the bedroom closet and priming it. We got to talking, and I started grumbling about his job, about how he is saving the company a lot of money but they aren’t giving him credit. You know how the good old boy network works sometimes. Now, we both know that God blesses Mark’s work, and the company is the beneficiary of it. It isn’t like Mark is doing this all on his own, God showed him how to save the company money and Mark implemented those things. God does the work and Mark gets paid for it. When I look at it from that vantage, giving God the credit and simply being grateful to be a cog in God’s machine, then I do not grumble. But when I get in the flesh, and think that Mark isn’t getting enough credit, or enough of a raise — I am not actually grumbling against the company, I am grumbling against God.

The Israelites were angry at Moses because God wasn’t giving them what they wanted on their terms. They thought they were complaining against Moses, but they were really complaining against God, because God was the only one capable of changing those circumstances. And those circumstances were there to test them, expose their character flaws, and refine them IF they repented and learned. Moses was powerless to make water in the wilderness, or provide free meat if God didn’t want them to have water and free meat. They didn’t really think Moses was being unfair, in the honesty of their hearts, they thought God was being unfair. They thought this because they chose to forget that they had been delivered from a life of slavery and hardship.

In the same way, I was angry at Mark’s work because God wasn’t giving me what I wanted (recognition for Mark) on my terms (NOW). I thought I was complaining about Mark’s work, but I was really complaining against God because God is the only one capable of changing those circumstances. And those circumstances are there to test us, expose our character flaws, and refine us IF we repent and learn. Mark’s work is powerless to give him credit or more money, if God doesn’t want us to have credit or more money. I didn’t really think that Mark’s work is being unfair, in the honesty of my heart I thought that God was being unfair. I thought this because I chose to forget that when God gave us this job we had been delivered from unemployment!

And so, last night just when I started grumbling and lassoed Mark into it, something went very wrong at work and they couldn’t fix it. They called last night to tell him and when he told me what time it had happened at, I knew what I had done and that this was discipline. I spent a lot of time repenting for it and they are getting it fixed this morning finally. But my grumbling created a lot of hassle for a lot of people. Repentance isn’t magic, repentance means that things are going to start getting better, it doesn’t mean they will be good NOW.

I strongly encourage you to allow God to teach you in this way, and I caution you to never, ever look at anyone’s sin in the Bible and say, “I would never..” because that is when we give Him an invitation to expose our true characters and prove otherwise. That He gave us these examples at all is an act of mercy, giving us the opportunity the search ourselves before we fall to those sins which are common to all men.

Walking in the Light by Darlene Dine

The Creative Character of God

Bereshith bara Elohim et Hashamayim v’et Ha’arets.

(In the beginning – created – God – alef tav – the heavens – and (alef tav)- the earth)

Yesterday as I was praying about the revealed character of God, I realized that two of his most important attributes are mentioned before He is — primarily, that He was here in the beginning (bereshith), and secondly, His status as Creator. I thought about how fascinating that was, that the Hebrew word “bara” was mentioned even before God Himself, and how significant that had to be.

If I was writing my biography, I would have started it with the word “I” and then the word “was” or “am,” but God started out His biography with an expression of His eternal nature and creativity. And as I meditate on it, I see it as the ultimate expression of His revealed majesty. Unlike us, He was, is and is coming. Unlike us, He can create anything out of nothing.

Everything that is good, He created it from nothing. Every particle of energy, every drop of water, every spec of sand on the seashore, every plant, every star, every fish, every animal, and man – created from nothing. That is bara, the ultimate expression of creativity far, far beyond our comprehension.

But it goes so far beyond that — He created time, rest, the eternal plan of salvation, every shadow picture. He created every situation in the lives of the patriarchs that would serve as good and bad examples for us, He created within the minds of men the ability to write those things down, the ability to commune with the Divine consciousness of the Ruach (Spirit). He embedded the great mysteries of truth into those written words, and he created our desire to run after them.

He created us as social beings, and then defined what it is to be a social being. He set forth the obligations and privileges of being in relationship with Himself and others. He created the laws that science follows without question, the laws that water and wind will not violate, the laws that the very cells in our bodies adhere to. He created the way of the stars in the firmament, the ways of animals that we call instinct, and the ways of man that we call laws.

He is creative. Not wantonly and without purpose, not in the abstract, for He seems incapable of doing anything without eternal purpose. He is neither random nor careless, nor does He take delight in chaos the way we do. He does not create systems to fail, He creates them to be perfect. He created both form and function in absolute harmony.

What does this mean? This means, at its core, that He is trustworthy in His magnificence. And we have to try to grasp that truth. We have to look at the seeming randomness and understand that somewhere beyond our understanding is an absolute order that we are incapable of seeing. We must establish our trust upon that, that He created everything good for a purpose, and that purpose was us. We must never look at anything He created and call it bad just because we lack understanding, or just because we are using it wrong. After all, if a toddler uses a banana for a hammer and then calls it bad because it doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean the banana is bad — the banana is good for food, and was never created to be a hammer. We are so very much like that toddler — basing our understanding of God’s goodness on our ability or inability to perceive and use things as intended.

What God calls good is good, and what God calls bad is bad. Our opinions, our definitions, our cultural norms do not move this. Technology does not change this, science cannot alter it. God is the creative one, He sets the standards, He alone has absolute understanding. There is a veil we must pass through in our relationship with Him, a veil created by our desire to understand things according to our own understanding but the truth is this — we will never have that kind of understanding and we have to accept that. What we must accept, in order to truly acknowledge the Lordship of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, is that He is the Creator and He will always possess wisdom, even when we lack it. He will always understand things we are incapable of understanding. Unless we beat down our pride and come to terms with our limitations and even embrace them as further proof of His magnificence and dominion over us, we will never be able to truly call Him Master and believe it.

He is the Creator. We have no right nor cause to question His definition of truth — because He created that too.

Remembering God

We are called, as the created, to conform to the image of the Creator.

This has always been so and always will be. From Genesis to Revelation, the call has always been to become more and more like our Heavenly Father as exemplified in Yeshua (Jesus) the Messiah. We are commanded to conform our minds, our flesh, our very being into vessels of love towards both Him as well as our neighbors. To love Him is to obey Him, therefore to love Him is to love others.

Lev 19:18 And you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am YHVH.

Over the millennia, people have struggled to define for themselves what that love should look like. But we were never called to define it for ourselves, it is too great a burden. The Bible defines it for us, from the first word to the last word. That very character of God Himself defines what love looks like. And that is what I am exploring this year, day by day, striving and straining and pressing forward so that I become more and more like Him — not just in what I write, but in what I do, and even in how I respond when I fail.

We are called, more than anything else in our lives, to love God. And we love Him best by how we represent Him to the world. We can either cause people to glorify Him or curse Him, we can be a helping hand or a stumbling block. We owe it to our beloved and blessed Creator to represent His character as perfectly as we possibly can, by turning our backs on our own flesh, our own agendas, our own character flaws — on the things which cause the people around us to hate Him, not for His sake, but for our sake.

Things are serious. We have come to a point in history where we are not hated for the sake of the gospel, the gospel is hated for the sake of a church that has not gotten to know the character of the Father or His Messiah well enough to represent it.

I want to change that in my own life. This blog will be a year long exploration of the revealed character of God, with an emphasis on how I think it should change my behavior, my attitude, my everything. I want this blog to be about glorifying His character, so maybe we can all represent Him as He deserves to be represented, that perhaps we can become the faithful ambassadors we were always called to be.