Episode 126: Rosh HaShanah and the Barren Woman

Traditionally, the barren women of Scripture are studied and celebrated on Rosh HaShanah—so why are they historically considered cursed and sometimes even experience persecution by other women? And what does Proverbs 31 woman have to say about the perfect wife/woman?

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The period from Tishri 1 to Tishri 10, Rosh HaShanah (or Yom Teruah) to Yom HaKippurim (aka Yom Kippur), is identified with the Coronation/Enthronement of God as King as well as with righteous judgment and enactments of vindication and restoration. We see this nowhere so beautifully as in the Scriptural readings of Rosh HaShanah–the stories of the birth and life of Sarah’s only child in Gen 21 and 22, and in the Haftarah reading of barren Hannah’s cries to the Lord and subsequent deliverance from shame, oppression, and childlessness. Both of these rich histories contain God’s vindication of their honor, of Sarah’s in spite of Hagar’s pregnant contempt, and Hannah’s in the sight of her perennially fertile rival Peninnah in I Sam chapters 1 and 2.

These women and these particular children tell us the grand story of our King and how He works, not through those to whom the world would like to ascribe honor, but often in direct opposition to the world’s ideas about who is and is not blessed and worthy. And they aren’t the only barren woman in Scripture—we also have Rebekah, Rachel, Samson’s mom, Anna and Elizabeth. And these stories are featured in the readings that begin the new civil and agricultural year (even though the festival months begin in the spring—months and years are tried together in the Roman calendar but not in the Hebrew calendar)—anyway, these stories mark the beginning of the new year because that is how life works. At first, potential and future events are hidden away, only to take shape and grow into something larger than itself. Things like leaven, and mustard seeds, and prayers and babies and much, much more.

Hi, I am Tyler Dawn Rosenquist and welcome to Character in Context, where I teach the historical and ancient sociological context of Scripture with an eye to developing the character of the Messiah. If you prefer written material, I have six years’ worth of blog at theancientbridge.com as well as my six books available on amazon—including a four-volume curriculum series dedicated to teaching Scriptural context in a way that even kids can understand it, called Context for Kids—and I have two video channels on YouTube with free Bible teachings for both adults and kids. You can find the link for those on my website. Past broadcasts of this program can be found at characterincontext.podbean.com and transcripts can be had for most broadcasts at theancientbridge.com. If you have kids, I also have a weekly broadcast where I teach them Bible context in a way that shows them why they can trust God and how He wants to have a relationship with them through the Messiah.

Full disclosure if you have never heard me speak of it before but I am a barren woman. Multiple reproductive birth defects all working together in such a way that I have been pregnant many times but never gave birth to a living child. So, this is very personal to me. Because of a tumor that I had removed this spring, now I am really, really barren because everything I need to make a baby is gone but as I am in my fifties, it was really well past time anyway and our wonderful, beloved sons are now adults and I am not wanting to begin again. But being barren myself, experiencing life in religious spheres is rather like living in one of Dante’s fictional levels of hell. People say insanely cruel things in ignorance – and sometimes even on purpose. I smile to myself now, however – all those years ago and even after the wonderful adoption of our now adult sons, while enduring those comments – I had a dream that my husband and I would have 100 children, none of them biological. I wondered how it could happen even up until about five years ago, and now I minister to children from all over the world through books and videos and my radio show. The world does not see as God sees. Being barren is not a measure of worth. Neither is fertility. And I know that will shock a lot of gals who were carefully indoctrinated to believe that having many children equals great favor and having none means that you have hidden sin in your life. The abortion clinics aren’t full because women with hidden unrepentant sin can’t get pregnant. Teen pregnancy doesn’t happen because fertility is only bestowed on the righteous and the ready. Pregnancy happens because a sperm meets an egg in a fallopian tube and then childbirth happens because everything after that was in good working order as well. That’s how God designed creation, to pretty much do what it needs to do without micromanagement.

That isn’t to say that God doesn’t make miracles. If you know our story then you know that I would never say that but, more often than not, infertile women do not conceive without a great deal of medical help and barren women—usually medical science hasn’t advanced far enough to help with that either. It’s lovely when God helps but it isn’t lovely when people assume that the only thing women have to offer the world is having babies and being moms. We were fortunate enough to adopt twins, who are now adults, but not everyone gets to do that for any number of reasons. Fortunately, women (like men), are vital to the Kingdom and to the community of believers regardless of whether or not they have birthed and/or raised kids. It’s one thing that people do, have kids, and not the whole beginning and end of existence. It doesn’t determine blessedness, righteousness, or worth. It is not a reliable indicator of anything except a biological system functioning or malfunctioning.

Not everything is as it appears to be when it comes to blessings and curses. Not only don’t we see them consistently on display in otherwise righteous figures, we oftentimes see a lack of blessing lamented and complained about in the Psalms. We will often see something that says, “Oh Yahweh, your people are so blessed and the righteous never have any problems” and then a few Psalms later, we see, “Oh Yahweh, why do the wicked prosper and the righteous suffer lack?” Evidently, the Psalmists aren’t practicing their prosperity Gospel affirmations effectively enough or tithing to the right ministry (okay, that was sarcasm). In religious circles, women who have children (and especially many children) often take it for granted that it is some automatic badge of God’s favor; yet what percentage of fertile women were mentioned in the Bible (associated with their children) by name, and how many barren women are called to our attention? Do we hear about the righteousness of David’s mother, do we even know her name despite all the boys in that house? No. We do, however, all know the name of the woman who would be vindicated through the birth of the prophet who anointed David as king. Was it not barren Rachel’s son Joseph, and not Reuben, who saved his people?

Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Samson’s mother (pretty sure her name was withheld to protect her virtue because dang, that boy..), Hannah, and Elizabeth – all were barren. These were women who are remembered and who gave birth after all hope was lost, and not to normal kids, but instead to amazing men of God (or who were at least used by God–Samson, but that boy…). Only David’s wife Michael, out of all the women in Scripture, was cursed with barrenness after mocking her husband and it might be because he would never sleep with her again after her public shaming of him–-whereas we see that Jezebel never had need of a fertility doctor, or Athaliah for that matter and she killed all of her children! There are some really great and some truly messed up women in Scripture—just like with men! Of course, in those days, they didn’t know about male infertility and so we are left to wonder about Isaac, Samson’s dad, and Zechariah—who weren’t mentioned as having kids with anyone else either. You just never know. Not that it matters because in those days (and in modern times) the shame fell upon the childless woman because even today, despite the availability of medical knowledge and especially in religious circles, the woman is still assumed to be the one with the problem—and we usually are because our systems have way more than can go wrong with them. Men literally have one thing to do and as long as their swimmies are healthy enough, it isn’t like they are providing life support for another human being for nine months.

But in religious circles, we tend to want to find visible ways of proving how righteous we are—and fertility is just an easy way of doing that. I have seen this guy on Facebook who brags that his blog gets a million hits a month and yet I never see him getting any likes. But are a million hits important? What if they are all pings from spammers? I know a lot of mine are on my blog, which is why I removed the app that tracks such things. I got a comment this morning that was in Russian with suspicious-looking links and I am dead on sure that they weren’t telling me how much they like my blog! Is a wealth of whatever commodity really a reliable sign of God’s favor when so many truly evil people are swimming in cash, stuff, good looks, athletic ability and children? The Psalmists tell us that the appearance of blessings isn’t always about God’s favor. After all, the sun and rain are given to the righteous and unrighteous alike. We definitely need to stop using God and exploiting our having stuff in order to look favored and, believe me, I have done it but now it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. If you have kids and you are poor but I am rich and barren—who gets to claim God’s favor? Is there like a hierarchy of stuff? Is that even our job or is it presumptuous and self-serving? Yeshua was clear in the exhortation never to exalt ourselves or, by extension, to humble others (because that’s why we do that, right?). Added to that, what was a blessing in an ancient agricultural society filled with clan warfare isn’t nearly as much of a blessing when you need to have a big enough car and car seats and just everything you need to legally raise kids in today’s world. It works out if you have a tv show but not so much if you are a regular person. In the end, I imagine the best course of action is to have your children, to be happy about how many you have, and to not look down on anyone else. You aren’t all that and a bag of chips and neither am I. Unless you are a Mormon, you won’t be graded at the end for how many children you gave birth to. And if you live in Idaho or Utah, you are possibly chuckling right now. But if you are a Mormon woman from Utah or Idaho and you are barren, you aren’t laughing at all because it is a cause for terrible stress.

To drive the point home that more is not always desirable and that worldly standards of honor are relative and sometimes deceptive, take a look at the end of the Scripture reading in the portions about the birth of Isaac. In Genesis 22, we see the fecundity (a fancy word that means a lotta babies were birthed by his women) of Abraham’s brother Nahor in league with his wife and concubine. Together they had twelve sons, only one being notable, but not for the usual reasons that a son is wanted to be counted as notable. One of the sons became the father of the Matriarch Rebekah. From Abraham sprang many great nations from relatively few, and from his brother Nahor came a granddaughter who would become Israel’s (aka Jacob’s) mother. I am confident that, given a choice, he and his wife would rather have given birth to a son who would be noted for more than siring a girl – times being what they were. And Laban, again, that boy would be shameful in any culture for practicing betrayal against a member of his own clan.

Is this to say that barren women are somehow superior to the fertile? –Certainly not, that would be silly. But I am saying that the actions of our King tell us that we cannot judge the value of a woman by whether or not she bears children young–or even at all. In fact, Yahweh is the author and creator of the honor reversal. He often favors the younger son over the first born, He sometimes chooses the barren over the fertile—He’s just like that. He does not see as we see. He doesn’t seem to value what we value and external appearances don’t dazzle Him or He would have chosen David’s older brother Eliab—he was evidently quite impressive. So much so that even the Prophet Samuel was chomping at the bit wanting to anoint him. But instead, Yahweh chose the overlooked child who wasn’t deemed important enough to come to the feast. And this story isn’t unique. God judges by different standards—we’re easily mislead by material blessings and so we often miss the heart of the matter.

So we have Leah and we have Rachel—who was blessed? Both of them were—just differently. And both could also count themselves cursed. Which is worse—to be unloved or to be childless? It all depends on which one of those applies to you. To Leah, all the children in the world meant less than the fact that she was unloved. To Rachel, all of Jacob’s love was empty because of the shame she had over being childless and therefore seen, in ancient Near Eastern culture, as being less than a wife and less than a woman. Leah had all the external honor as a matriarch but no regard from her husband. Rachel had no honor but her husband’s devotion. I doubt anyone would rush to trade places with either one of them. And, of course, this is just a rehashing of the story of Abraham, Sarah and Hagar and a preview of Hannah, Elkanah and Peninnah, this week’s Torah and Haftarah readings. The picture painted through these carefully chosen Scripture readings is larger than simply childbearing—it’s about the fruit that a woman bears and the vindication that comes as a result of it. We will all be judged and will be rewarded according to what we produce, by the King who has written all our actions in His Book of Remembrance, which the Jewish people believe is opened every year on Yom Teruah/Rosh Hashanah. That fruit can be generated in youth, for certain, but age is no barrier–sometimes the best first fruit comes from a presumably barren and shameful tree.

A fertile woman might bear ten wretched children (just ask Haman’s poor wife), and a noble woman may produce only one, or none – as in the case of the prophetess Anna who was day by day at the Temple (Luke 2:36-38). Who would call her faithless? Truth is, we want to look blessed but God chooses us to be a blessing instead. And don’t get me wrong, bearing your husband a lot of children (well, sons and not daughters, anyway) was how you primarily blessed your husband in those days because they provided free labor as well as a small military force when raiders would come through your territory. Things being what they were, you were making your husband look like quite the stud. But sometimes, Yahweh’s goal was to bless the world instead—and so Sarah had one child. And Rebekah had two, having only one pregnancy, but only one was chosen. Rachel had two but died while giving birth to the second. We have no indication that Samson had any siblings. Hannah went on to have sons and daughters after Samuel. Anna had no children and Elizabeth, I imagine, had only John. There is no one story here about women and what they do and what they contribute to the metanarrative, the overarching story of salvation. And many stories of women aren’t about their status as mothers at all. Not Huldah. Not Abigail. Not Deborah. Not Yael.

It is the desire of our flesh to look at whatever we have, whether it be a lot of kids, money, worldly success, popularity, etc., as a sign of God’s favor (or a lack thereof). The truest sign of God’s favor, however, is to be found in the good fruit He allows and inspires and alters us to produce–starting on the inside. Think about the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control)—none of it is genuine if it is only external even though it will manifest in what we do if it is genuine. But fruit is about choices, not about things we have no choice about. And without Him, there is no acceptable fruit. Sarah was probably barren for over 70 years, Rebekah for 40 years, and so on and so on. I am sure they tried, but unlike the other women around them, they could not just place their faith in their flesh to produce that fruit. Make no mistake–finding out that we cannot place our faith in the flesh is a positive thing that few people in this life truly realize or learn to appreciate. We have been called to the same kind of life – we can’t just go through the motions in our flesh and call it good, no matter how amazing the result looks from the outside. To produce something excellent, we must see ourselves as barren trees in need of that divine intervention. And everyone is barren in different ways when we come into this walk. Yeshua doesn’t call us to follow Him because we are like producing what the Kingdom needs and, like, he’s some sort of college recruiter looking at us for our skills. We have no skills that are worth recruiting! Not any that are of any use to Him as is because the Kingdom is so counter-cultural that sometimes what looks like a blessing is a curse and what looks like a curse is a blessing!

These women had to live by faith, and not by flesh – and they showed us the way. They had to wait on God’s timing and pruning to produce, not just ordinary fruit, but exceptional fruit.  It is a model for every one of us, male and female; to produce something that is mature and good takes time and, generally, a lot of anguish. It won’t happen just because we want it to, or when we want it – impatient flesh is how you get an Ishmael or the forgotten children of Peninnah, not an Isaac or a Samuel.

But I do have a question that is very important to ask—what was the value of Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth while they were “ladies in waiting’—waiting to be moms? Were they worthless, were they without meaning or identification? How are single and childless women treated in religious circles? Really, we know much more about Sarah before she became a mother. Ninety years went by and she was the matriarch of a nomadic people group for decades before she gave birth to Isaac. She likely walked most of the way from Ur to Canaan, as did all of them, traveling at the speed of the slowest of the livestock who needed to forage as they went. She ran the tent of Abraham and managed her servants, probably cared for the sick and filled more than her fair share of water jugs or skins over the years. She was a very important person in the clan and would have had a great many responsibilities, even with the shame of childlessness hanging over her and even the pregnant slave girls looking at her as though there was something inherently wrong with her, that she must be cursed. Read Job if you want a look into what people assumed about anyone who was viewed as afflicted or cursed—they felt you got whatever you had coming to you.

But Sarah was a heroine long before she had her miracle baby. She followed her husband’s claiming to hear God wherever he went and far from the safety of home and clan into enemy territory. When her husband asked her to lie, even though it put her in grave danger, she went along with it not once but twice. She maintained her virtue when forcibly taken into not one but two harems. Sarah was no wimp. Sarah was beautiful, yes, but it would have taken a lot more than beauty to keep Abraham loyal to her in a day and age where a man without heirs was a man cursed and in danger in his old age. No man of those times would simply be swayed by beauty. And even though Abraham repeatedly put Sarah at risk to save his own skin (I mean, he was still an ancient near eastern kind of guy in many ways), she must have really been something. When Sarah advised Abraham on family policy, even Yahweh took her side. Sarah’s womb might have been barren but Sarah herself certainly was fruitful in every way that mattered.

Proverbs 31 gives us interesting insight into the value and measure of a woman of valor. It’s interesting what is and is not mentioned:

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.  She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. (ESV)

As Elizabeth Bennet said of the woman described by the arrogant Caroline Bingley in Pride and Prejudice, “I never saw such a woman, she would surely be a fearsome thing to behold.” And we look at this list describing the activities of an upper-class Jewish matriarch and we are suitably astounded at her level of accomplishment. She is busy, busy, busy on behalf of her household, her husband, and the community. Seemingly, no one escapes her notice and no one is beneath being worthy of her efforts. Interestingly enough, her hands are really focused on and the one thing that is never said about her is that she has given birth to a whole passel of children. That her children rise up and call her blessed comes across as more of an afterthought at the end of a laundry list of activities—nothing is even said as to whether she came by these children through childbirth, marriage or adoption. They are merely called “hers” and I think we can draw a great deal of wisdom from this portrait. She is a wife, yes, she is a mother, yes, but that is such a small part of who she is to so many.

The Proverbs 31 woman is trustworthy. She is kind, and a benefit to herself and others. She adds to people’s lives and is not a drain as we would imagine from a spoiled, wealthy stereotype. She is industrious, not leaving the work to others while she lives in pampered luxury. She does the food shopping for her household and makes sure that everyone, from the greatest to the least, has enough to eat. No one escapes her notice or her provision. She has enough business acumen to know what considerations go into buying a field and then she does it. She also has enough agricultural knowledge to plant a vineyard—no small feat. She hasn’t grown too weak and dainty from living the good life—her arms are strong enough to handle whatever task requires her attention. She knows how to turn a profit from the work of her hands. She’s an excellent planner, and so the household doesn’t have to worry about running low on oil or other supplies. She makes what she can and buys what she has to. She is generous to the poor and doesn’t hide from the needy. No one in her household is cold or shoeless in the winter. Her household doesn’t go without because she is standing in the gap making sure that needs are met. She is so diligent and hard-working that her husband has the leisure to sit in the city gates with the elders. She weaves and she sells the garments. She is strong, dignified, wise and kind. She is a blessing to everyone around her. Everyone praises her, and not for her beauty or for producing sons but because of who she is and what she does. And what she does, she does because she loves Yahweh. She is to be praised because of who she is and she is to receive the credit and the profit from her labors.

Did you ever notice that the Proverbs 31 woman’s looks are never described? In fact, she laughs at getting older. No mention of giving birth or producing sons either. The Hebrew Bible is ordered in one of two ways, with Ruth coming either after Song of Songs or after Proverbs. In the Christian tradition, Ruth comes after Judges and before Samuel, as more of a Chronological book. But in the Hebrew tradition, Ruth is instead associated with wisdom literature. I do prefer the placement of Ruth right after Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 is the unrealistic ideal if we look at it as a list of things every wife has to do in order to be excellent. I don’t even have the money to buy a field nor the expertise to make my own linen. Ruth perhaps became that Proverbs 31 woman, being that she married rich Boaz, but her excellence was recognized and honored long before. Ruth, as far as we know, had one child—Obed, who famously sired Jesse the father of King David. But when we look at Ruth, we are not thinking about David. Ruth stands on her own. Ruth was childless when her husband died, presumably young, and when she risked life and limb to follow her mother in law Naomi back to the land of Israel, she was giving up her people, her ways, her everything in order to care for a woman who could offer her nothing in return.

Ruth certainly owed Naomi nothing. Naomi was a vulnerable widow in a foreign land and she was returning home to no prospects. We know from later in the book that their land had been sold and needed to be redeemed. So, there was no hope of going back and homesteading—they would be squatters on someone else’s land, living off of the charity and gleanings of others. So, in terms of quality of life, Ruth was walking into the opposite situation of the Proverbs 31 woman—not only wasn’t she wealthy, not only didn’t she had maidservants, not only wasn’t she dressed in scarlet and purple, not only could she not afford to laugh at the future, she didn’t even have a husband or child. But, where it counted, she was that Proverbs 31 woman—at least what that woman would look like if she wasn’t so prosperous. Her household was Naomi, and in caring for Naomi she did whatever was necessary. She worked her butt off, not making linen garments and sashes, but doing the back-breaking work of gleaning, wearing long robes in the hot sun from morning to night. And she did that work through the barley and wheat harvesting seasons. Yes, Boaz made it easier for her—but it was never easy. And when she left her country and her kin, she had no such delusions that she wouldn’t be slaving away for life, just barely living above starvation level.

Who should we honor more? Ruth or the Proverbs 31 woman? Or maybe Sarah? Really wrong question. The important thing about these and countless women—some written about but the overwhelming majority never written about anywhere and long since forgotten—is that they did what they could with what they had and they did these things with valor. Husband or not. Children or not. Money or not. A woman is truly blessed when she is a blessing and not when she has the means to buy fields and plant vineyards and hire servants. So, I look at all these women and despite what was going on in their lives and despite what judgment they faced because of their circumstances, they were all amazing. If you were to rewrite Proverbs 31 about your own life, what would it look like? Years ago, I wrote this and maybe it will change the way you look at yourself and the women around you, or look at your wife or mom or sister. But first—this is how I used to read it back when I loathed this gal with a passion:

She gets up bright and chipper every morning and makes breakfast for everyone. Her children rise up without complaint and thank her for the wake-up call, they are perfectly behaved and all straight-A students. She dresses them in the finest fashions, and she never has a hair out of place. She is beautiful, with no unwanted fat, and she never ages. She gets pregnant when she wants to, without problems or miscarriages, and she is a perfect lover for her husband because she never tires. She provides her family with tasty, gourmet dishes. She has her own home-based business, despite homeschooling her perfect brood. Her husband loves to show her off because she is still so smokin’ hot. She is smart, and witty and always knows the right thing to say and do. Her children never fight, they love and respect her too much for that. She tirelessly does charity work because her family is so well-functioning they hardly need her at all. Her children become doctors and lawyers.

One day, as I was reading through the Scriptures again and grumbling at my literary adversary, God impressed upon me that she was never called beautiful and almost nothing of what I wrote could be found in there. I had performed a shamelessly ruthless bit of eisegesis—reading an agenda into the text. So, I revisited Proverbs 31 and rewrote it for the more modern woman:

Her husband trusts her–she is not a trophy or arm candy.  She is an asset to his life and greatly valued.  She treats him well and cares for him.  She purchases what is needed and from her purchases provides for the entire family.  She makes sure they are fed, and takes care of their employees as well, not mistreating them.  She is recognized as smart enough to make independent financial decisions for the family, and does not squander the benefits of it.  She makes sure her family is clothed and clean.  She ensures that they have warm clothes for the winter months, and she sees to it that her house repairs and bills are not neglected so that the family will not suffer in the cold.  She never embarrasses her husband, nor does she drive him to poverty with frivolous spending–leaving him free to do the things he needs to do.  She uses her skills for those who have need of them–whether they need food made, or to be clothed, their house cleaned during times of illness, a shoulder to cry on, or lips to offer prayers.  She is such a blessing to people that they don’t notice how she looks, they notice who she is.  She studies the Word of God and it seasons her speech.  She doesn’t neglect to keep track of her household, the finances, and the needs of her family.  She doesn’t let them lack so that she can be lazy all the time–they have clean clothes, food to eat and shelter. Her husband and children call her blessed and they appreciate her (adding this:  even though the kids might say otherwise when they get angry).  Loveliness can sway a man’s heart into an unsuitable match, prettiness can lead to vanity, and youth withers.  Find a woman who fears God–don’t hold her back or deny her credit for what she accomplishes.  Let people judge her by who she is and what she does.

So, are you married, or single? Do you have a dozen kids, or one, or none, or did you adopt? Are you the breadwinner or the stay at home parent? Are you starting out or are you retired? Are you an empty-nester or are you raising your grandkids or are you a foster parent? Really, I could have written a hundred different variations on this and the activities might be different but the character would look the same in every single one. Because an excellent woman is an excellent woman. Some excellent women are married and others are single. Some excellent women are barren and others are fertile. Some excellent women have PhDs and some have GEDs and some are illiterate. Some excellent women are in wheelchairs or are bedridden and others care for those who are bedridden. Some excellent women do charity work, others support charity work, and some receive charity. One thing for sure is that all excellent women share character traits with the Proverbs 31 woman even if their activities have little in common.

I will tell you that we women are our own worst enemies. We compete over nonsense. We judge over nothing. We create cliques and judge other women based on choices as though they were moral issues. We judge over family size, schooling, breastfeeding, vaccinations, scheduling and co-sleeping and really just peeing on our own territory and dismissing anyone who does things differently as though we are the gold standard of parenting. You want to know why women feel defeated? In judging one another we lay the heaviest judgment upon ourselves. Yeshua/Jesus told us that whoever exalts himself will be humbled and whoever humbles himself will be exalted and it is true. When one woman tears down another woman over choices that simply represent different parenting styles and different realities of life, when women form “yay me!” groups exalting this or that choice and condemning anyone who feels differently, when we lose our compassion in a subconscious effort to exalt our own choices because we are terrified that we are doing it wrong and everyone who is different terrifies us—we end up dissatisfied and discouraged. We end up that way because we are divided. Think about it—think about how many women would kill to have our decisions to make and how we fight and posture and shred one another as though there is only one true way to do everything—our way. I don’t see the Proverbs 31 woman being mentioned as being anything except a blessing and supportive of others—a resource.

In July, a woman just tore me to pieces because I wasn’t anti-vaccination enough for her. I am only against those vaccinations that are actually cultured off aborted fetal tissue. That’s where I personally draw the line but I allow everyone to make their own choices without condemnation. I got accused of being genocidal, supporting evil, and not being fit to teach children. Not like I’d discuss that with kids but I see a lot of that sort of petty judgment.  A Proverbs 31 mindset is one where we are blessings and not dictators. Where we can look at the same set of circumstances and come to different decisions without being immoral monsters. Where we can love and support one another and be—humble. And then we won’t need to exalt ourselves and our opinions anymore because we won’t need that sort of artificial validation.