The Character of God as Father Pt 12 — How to Break His Heart

Two days ago I fell into a very deep depression seemingly out of nowhere, and have been praying and pleading to know why ever since. I was pulling weeds out in the backyard last night and for a change no neighbor dogs were barking at me so I could actually do some thinking. I love my son Andrew more than my life, but I am going to pee on the third rail of special needs parenting here — I am going to admit one of the heartbreaking things about it. Our kids aren’t always accurately represented by the overachievers and over comers we promote in order that people won’t judge us for the decision we made, and in hopes that people won’t get abortions based on the realities we face daily, when they find out Suzy isn’t going to be all they wanted her to be physically and mentally. We know the rest of the truth, that they are wonderful and valuable, but we’re also scared, and a few enjoy being martyrs. Anyway, this isn’t about that — this is about something the parents of normal children also go through, but when your child is special needs the heartache it causes is amplified. And so for the last two days I have been in a deep depression, not realizing that it was a divinely inspired depression in order to show me a great truth.

What do you do when your disabled child is capable of more than they are doing, but decides that because they can’t do it perfectly, they use it as an excuse not to try at all?

Our greatest moments of triumph are when our children exceed everyone’s expectations and prove that they CAN do something. It is the greatest high imaginable — and some kids never look back and go even further, above and beyond — those are the ones you see on youtube and on the news as inspirational stories. Everyone loves those stories. But our greatest moments of sorrow can be when they stop trying, and go back to how they were, just giving up entirely, sometimes even refusing to take care of their basic bodily needs — even though they are absolutely able, sometimes even after they have received much healing in that area.

Its a picture of ourselves, with God, and God had to allow me to experience His grief as He watches us fail to even try to live up to His standards/laws because we can’t do it perfectly. It’s as though we are that disabled child, and we absolutely are, using our disability as an excuse to not even try to do the things we are currently able to do, and refusing to work on those things that are indeed achievable. Our disability isn’t merely physical, or mental, it is our desire for sin.

It’s our desire to do what we want to do on the Sabbath, or to eat what we want to eat even when it is not food, or celebrate how we want to celebrate even when we are perfectly able to do things the way He asks us to do them. It’s when we don’t even try, that breaks His heart — because He, despite being all powerful, is powerless to force us to want to do things His way. I understand that anguish and frustration on a very small scale. I have a child who calls me mommy and tells me he loves me and wants to be close and snugly and wants the perks (blessings) that come with being my child. But I can’t give him all the blessings I want him to have because I cannot encourage him to keep disobeying me and destroying himself. I have to discipline him instead of giving him gifts. In Biblical terms, I have to curse instead of bless — can you begin to see how much this would hurt me, day after day, year after year?

I know, with his innate sweetness, that if he could really perceive my pain, that he would change his ways. But right now, for whatever reason, he cannot see beyond himself and sometimes it just kills me inside.

What is “God’s own heart?” God’s heart is to bless and not curse. Even His cursing was designed to drive His children back into the place where He could bless them, the prophets were sent to warn His children back into the place where He could bless them. We have a Father who wants desperately to bless us, but we live in a way that He cannot encourage and so He cannot give us the fullness of what He desires for us to have.

Oh there are so many things I long to do for my child, places he could go without me and things he could do on his own, privileges I could allow for him to have. But his behavior gives me no choice. I cannot reinforce it, because his behavior is dangerous to himself, he just doesn’t have the maturity or desire to see it. I never saw it either, not for many years as I called myself by His Name but lived life my way. I said that it was impossible to live His ways perfectly, so why even try at all — completely missing the point of His laws, His house rules. His laws were there to teach me how to live righteously, how to move towards greater and greater levels of loving Him and loving my neighbors. Yes, I have a righteousness of God through Messiah, but that isn’t the same as living righteously, which has to be according to His definitions — so that I can live in harmony with Him and others. So that He can give me the blessings that He wants me to have.

The blessings that it hurts Him to have to withhold. Because, unlike us, He isn’t an enabler and as He sees the beginning all the way to the end, He knows what the stakes are, even if we try to ignore them.

The Character of God as Father Pt 11 — Protecting His Daughters

One of the great crimes of religion is the misrepresentation of the character of our heavenly Father as it relates to how He feels about women. The Talmud (which contains the traditions of the elders Yeshua (Jesus) spoke of) and the epistles of Paul (taken out of historical and biblical context) have been used to subjugate and denigrate God’s precious daughters for far too long.

Unfortunately, these religious attitudes have been carried into families, even in modern times — girls are often made to feel that they aren’t good enough, that they are just potential whores, that their birth was a disappointment. But does the Bible, in context, back that up at all? What does the Bible say about women?

Gen 2:18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

The first mention of woman is positive, that she was meant as a helper for the man. Not a slave, not a burden, not lesser. Same genetics — different plumbing, different strengths and different weaknesses. If man was sufficient, he would not have needed help. And in fact, we know that man was not sufficient because by one man sin entered into the world (Ro 5:12) when Adam failed the first commandment to keep (guard) the garden and allowed the serpent to enter in. Adam needed help.

As Eve was created to help Adam, so Sarah helped Abraham.
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Gen 21:12 And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.

What about Isaac and Rebekah? Rebekah was a prophetess who heard the voice of God and knew His will for the children inside her, and made sure that the blessings fell upon God’s choice and not Isaac’s choice.

Gen 25:23 And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger.

What about Tamar? Judah had this to say about her when she made sure that he upheld Torah law, bringing forth an ancestor of Messiah.

Gen 38:26 And Judah acknowledged them, and said, She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son. And he knew her again no more.

And Miriam, Moses’ sister, what did the prophet Micah say about her? That she was one of the three leaders of Israel in the wilderness, a prophetess in her own right.
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Micah 6:4 For I brought thee up out of the land of Egypt, and redeemed thee out of the house of servants; and I sent before thee Moses, Aaron, and Miriam.

Deborah was one of the greatest Judges of Israel, in that she led the nation and no sins are recorded against her. She even commanded the leader of the armies, who respected her counsel so much that he refused to go to war unless she came with him.

Judges 4:4-6 Now Deborah, a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth, was leading Israel at that time. She held court under the Palm of Deborah between Ramah and Ethel in the hill country of Ephraim, and the Israelites went up to her to have their disputes decided. She sent for Barak son of Abinoam from Kedesh in Naphtali and said to him, “The Lord, the God of Israel, commands you: ‘Go, take with you ten thousand men of Naphtali and Zebulun and lead them up to Mount Tabor.

I could really go on all day with virtuous and respected women from scripture, women of authority and wisdom. I could also tell you about a few wicked women, like Jezebel, the pagan Queen, but most of the women listed in scripture were Israelites and greatly respected. In the New Testament scriptures, the pattern holds. Priscilla is listed before her husband as a teacher in the book of Acts, following the cultural pattern of listing the greater before the lesser. Junia (a feminine name, in that the original manuscripts do not have the “s” at the end denoting male gender) is mentioned as outstanding among the apostles. We have witness after witness of women as helpers, as able to discern right from wrong, as giving wise counsel (like Abigail, who saved her husband’s hired men from the wrath of David), as being leaders, judges, and teachers — and every bit as able to hear from God as men. So where does the hostility come from?

Well, certainly not from the commandments found in Torah. You know, I used to be scared of the Torah because I read it through the eyes of self-rejection as a woman. I really didn’t believe that Fathers loved their little girls at all. And so, like many, I read it the way it was taught instead of the way it was written. However, I have found that from beginning to end, the commandments are not written to condemn women or subjugate them, but often to protect them from men!

There are laws protecting women from incest, and having to perform sexually during their menstrual cycle, from rape and from being abandoned after being seduced. There is a law that gives a way for a wife to prove she is innocent of adultery when her husband becomes jealous. There are laws that protect widows. The punitive laws against women are always equally punitive against men — adulterers were stoned to death, male and female together IF they were caught in the act by multiple witnesses. There were no unequal standards of justice, no more weight given to the testimony of a man than a woman. There is a law protecting a woman from having to travel for the feasts when it would be burdensome. There is even an interesting law that protects a woman who has made a foolish oath in the heat of the moment, by giving her husband or father the ability to nullify it when they hear of it. Lets face it, compassion is one of our female strengths, but it also sometimes leads us into dangerous promises, and our Heavenly Father has made allowances for it. We tend to lead with our hearts to a fault, at times, just as men lead with their heads (or fists) to their fault, at times. Its why we need each other!

But read in a negative light, these laws look like they are actually against women, and not in favor of them. When you read that only men are required to assemble for the feasts three times a year, it is a wrong mindset to see it as “women are not welcome.” Instead, think of what it would be like to haul small children to the crowded city of Jerusalem, or during your period when there were no modern sanitary products or facilities, or if you were really, really pregnant! When we begin to look at how each of the laws were there for the benefit of the woman, we begin to get a glimpse into the heart of God towards His daughters – to whom He entrusted the bringing forth of life and therefore special consideration and protection. So again, where is the hostility from? I believe that some of it is from an improper understanding of the prophets.

The scripture has much to say about our sinful nature, and that language is very feminine in nature — not because women are terrible, but because the assembly of believers ever since Sinai has been likened to the wife, or bride of God. And so there is much language in the Bible that seems to be derogatory towards women when it is directed at both male and female equally by using the picture of a woman who is unfaithful.

Now the fact that He uses an unfaithful woman is very telling about how He feels about women in general, and the picture it paints of how he sees women is not negative but very positive.

The art of comparison and contrast is a very important part of Jewish writing, especially parables. Now why was Messiah’s parable about the good Samaritan so effective? Because to his audience, Samaritans were contemptible, idolatrous half-breeds who practiced a form of mixed religion, half Bible and half Paganism. Samaritans were expected to exhibit certain qualities, and virtue was not one of them! So when Yeshua told the story of the virtuous Samaritan, the whole idea would have been quite shocking.

In the same way, when the prophets ranted about Israel being the whorish wife of YHVH — that would have been shocking as well, because your average Israelite wife was not a whore in the physical sense. Historically, women have been held to much higher standards than men in terms of virtue and piety. A man can go out and cheat on his wife and if his wife is virtuous, the parentage of the children is not in question, but if the wife is immoral, her children are forever suspected of being bastards. We women have always understood this. Proverbs 31 isn’t a laundry list of unachievable goals, its a recognition of the many roles women play on a regular basis. There is no such corresponding list for men recorded in scripture. But there is a large laundry list for men in Torah of what they are not allowed to do to us!

The entire idea that women are less than men is not to be found in scripture. Women are different than men. Not superior, but different. Anyone who has a problem with women has a problem with their Creator, because we represent aspects of His character that men struggle with — and vice versa. Of course God loves women — He uses feminine terms not only to shock the unfaithful, but also, and more importantly, to describe the body of believers that He will rule and reign over during the Millennium. If being feminine is to be equated with being whorish and unfaithful and lustful, then it must also be equated with being undefiled, pure and spotless. We must, in all things, look to the entire word of God. Every word is established by the mouth of two witnesses, so if only one person is writing something and it is unwitnessed elsewhere, look again and see if maybe the one witness is being misunderstood, badly translated, or taken entirely out of context.

Thanks to my sister Mindy Cole for allowing me to use this beautiful picture of her daughter, total cuteness overload.

The Character of God as Father Part 10 — The Special Needs Adoption

“You know, you can always back out.”

That’s what someone from my church told me when we found out that our unborn son Andrew, who we had been matched with for a month, was going to be born with considerable physical and mental disabilities. And years later I wonder if hasatan tells our Heavenly Father the same sorts of things about us. He is, after all, the accuser of the brethren, and we in our sin are far more deserving of the label “disabled” than my son Andrew is by virtue of physical deformities.

We come into salvation twisted in very deep mental and spiritual ways. Our bodies may be intact, but out hearts are full of deception, our minds scarred by years of rebellion, and our flesh is crying out for the comforts of sin. There are no leg braces, or wheelchairs, or surgeries that can able our disabilities on the inside. We need to be slowly and painfully conformed to the image of our Creator on the inside, through years of love and patience and gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) guidance.

We are lost causes, in the eyes of everyone who we have hurt, everyone who we have betrayed and sinned against. How can a drug addict be salvaged, or a prostitute? How does the drunk driver become selfless and considerate, how does the abuser become gentle and self-controlled? How can the prideful be humbled, or the mocker learn temperance? Or in my case, how does the pornographer learn to write about God instead of about sex? Anyone with half a brain would leave us on the doorstep of the orphanage to die in the cold — lost causes, disgusting and twisted caricatures of humanity. Or maybe just someone with half a heart would do that…. or someone who listens to the accuser.

When we found out that one of our unborn twins was going to be born with serious problems, it only made it more imperative that we become their parents. And I do not love with my Heavenly Father’s kind of love, so I can only begin to imagine what He felt when He looked at me — adulterous, prideful, cruel, clueless me, who didn’t know my right hand from my left. I would have certainly felt right at home in Nineveh.

Andrew was diagnosed at 4 months gestation with spina bifida and hydrocephalus, and when he was born we added clubbed feet, strabismus, low IQ, and chiari malformation to the list. But those things are just in the physical, they don’t affect what kind of person he could be on the inside. His disabilities, while making life a challenge, weren’t sinful. And still there were Christians who advised me to walk away, to abort him emotionally.

And I imagine that every time he gets the chance, the accuser is busy reminding YHVH of the many reasons why He should back out of the adoptions He is still working to finalize. But I think our ignorant imperfections move His heart far more than they disgust Him, which is why He gave His Son. It is His desire to see us healed, and He proves it by never being willing to leave us as we are.

So everything about us that was, and is — He sees. We can’t hide it from Him even when we hide it from ourselves. And that reveals more about His loving character than a thousand books could hope to expound upon. That is love, not that we loved Him but that He first loved us, as revolting as many of us were.

And then, what is our response to that great love? Is it to remain disgusting, vile people, or is it to become as much like Him as possible? What is our responsibility to others? How do we represent His love in the world? It isn’t simply by loving according to His laws, although to follow Messiah and walk as He walked we must certainly do that, but it is also to love with His love — and His love is amazingly humble. To truly love those who are still as we were — isn’t it imperative that we look on them as He once looked upon us, with mercy? And if we do not, are we not defiling His Name among the lost? We can be firm, we can accurately represent His ways, and yet not condemn — as we were mercifully not condemned.

For the Creator of the Universe to even humble Himself to look at me, to take me on as a special project, as His child — that isn’t charity, that is the ultimate manifestation of grace and love. He had nothing to gain, nothing except for the restoration of His child. I can tell you that to see my child walk fully healed, a whole human being physically — it would mean more than anything to me. And so I take that longing inside me, and I think of how deeply God desires me to walk as a whole human being, how He must hurt because we are not whole. How can I not cooperate with that?

That is an intensity of love that we cannot really fathom, it is the place where mercy and grace and wrath and jealousy come together into the perfect expression of paternal devotion. That’s the love that pulled Rahab and Ruth out of the disgusting muck that they were raised in, and placed them in the genealogy of the King of Kings. That’s why a prostitute and an idolater became mothers in Israel, because the line of David and the line of Messiah is about the restoration of a bunch of abominable, spiritually disabled people who mistakenly see themselves as “just fine” until they look into the mirror of God’s Word, and begin to see that they really are special needs after all, and really in need of supernatural healing.

Andrew, our adopted special needs son, about 13 years ago. I know, cute little stinker, isn’t he?

The Character of God as Father Pt 9 – The Price He Paid

This will be a second of three posts about adoption, a special sort of parent -child relationship chosen by Paul to describe our collective Kingdom membership. As in the last post, I will be drawing on what He taught us through our own special needs adoption of newborn twin boys. I do not compare our conduct to God’s or ourselves to God in any way, but it is my intention to demonstrate what the adoption relationship, and the price paid, looks like from the parental point of view.

As I mentioned before, our adoption was contested by the birthfather, a convicted felon, and before it was over, our legal fees came to more than our house was worth. We were not wealthy people by any stretch of the imagination, but we had overwhelming assurances from God that this adoption was His will, and so we did what we had to do in order to make sure that Matthew and Andrew were legally ours. The only thing we physically had to contribute to the process was our money, but it was the price that had to be paid. Years ago, we shared this information with them, wanting them, for better or worse, to see how valuable they were to us — but they instead took it as guilt upon themselves, that the cost had been too high. They just couldn’t understand what it means to be a parent and to snatch your children out of danger. But on Saturday night, that all changed as God finally gave me the words to express His heart and His own sacrifice.

Andrew (front) Matthew (back)

I got out a photo album of the digital pics I took of the boys daily during the first 15 months of their lives and opened it up as we sat on my bed. Then I began to tell them the part of the story I had never told them.

Andrew (lft) Matthew (rt)

“In Wisconsin, where you were born, they have a bad adoption law on the books. It says that adopted kids can’t live with their new mom and dad until the adoption is finalized. So you wouldn’t have gone home with mamma Stephanie or with anyone else who loved you, you would have been sent to a foster home until you were almost 16 months old. I’m sure they would have been kind, but they wouldn’t be your parents, they would have simply taken care of you and loved you as best they could, knowing that someday you would be taken away. And you would have thought of them as your parents only to have been removed later.

Matthew (lft) Andrew (rt)

You see all these pictures? I took these pictures every day, and I sent them to everyone who loves you — our family and Stephanie’s family. I know you look at the price we paid, and that you feel guilty about that and you say that we could have been rich if it wasn’t for you, but that isn’t true. Yes, it cost our retirement money and savings, but you don’t understand what we bought — we bought a relationship with you from the moment you were born until the day your last name was finally Rosenquist.

June 2, 2012 – our finalization, this is how old the boys would have been before we were together

All that money we spent, well a lot of it we spent on a miracle. We spent it fighting for the right to be your foster parents, even though we lived out of State. God had the judge set a new precedent, and we got to take you home. She even had you declared legally ours before you were born, which had never happened before. That money bought us relationship, relationship that means more to us than you can possibly imagine. Each one of these pictures you see cost thousands of dollars, but is worth millions to daddy and me. We bought those memories of you growing up, we bought the privilege of being the ones in the hospital for Andrew’s surgeries, we bought hearing your first words and seeing you roll over the first time. We bought something better than a cushy retirement, we invested in something permanent, something better than gold or even our own lives. We bought the right to help shape the kind of men you are becoming. We redeemed the days, because it was worth it to be your parents.

rt to left, Andrew, Matthew, Mark and Fritz

left to rt, Andrew, Matthew, Mark and Fritz

You know, I could spend a lot of time feeling guilty about the price God paid to adopt me, the blood of Yeshua (Jesus). The god of this world owned me, just like the state of Wisconsin believed that “T” owned you. And God our Father fought for me, even more than we fought for you, and He gave something more precious to Himself than my money was to me. He gave His own Son, His only Son. There is no one I love so much that I could give your life for, but that’s the price that God paid for us. And He didn’t do it just to be the boss, any more than we gave our life savings to become your bosses. God gave Yeshua because He wanted a relationship, He wanted to buy all those days, like we bought all your days. He didn’t do it to just be God, because He already was God. He did it to be a Father to a child, me. And He did it to be your Father too. He wanted to be the One to shape the people we are becoming, day by day.

Matthew and Mark

Yeshua’s sacrifice was the best He had to offer — all we had was money. You were worth our best, and it’s obvious that God feels like we are worth His best. It’s proof that God holds relationship as higher than anything else. It’s proof that He truly desires to be our Father, that He wants to be the One who decides what ind of people we will be.”

Andrew and myself

I think that, for the first time, my kids saw our money spent as an investment that reflected the importance of relationship. I know that, for the first time, I finally saw Yeshua’s blood spent as a reflection of the same thing.

As we are commanded to redeem the time, because the days are evil, the Father has lovingly and passionately set the example by redeeming our days — before there were even any days to redeem.

The Character of God as Father Pt 8 — The Rejected Parent

I think it was very important for what I am called to say, that I was never able to carry any of my babies to term. Because frankly, if I was not an adoptive mother, and if I had not suffered the loss of children, there are things I would never be able to understand about our relationship with God as Father, and how we are to relate to Him and what our actions towards Him mean in terms of this unique relationship.

Ro 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

Paul writes about our adoption as sons 5 times in scriptures (5 being the number of grace) and Paul uses adoption to illustrate something very important to us. Before I became an adoptive parent, I would look at those verses on adoption and I would be kind of disappointed, because I viewed adoption through the eyes of 80’s and 90’s television, which was not adoption positive. Adopted kids were the charity cases, they were the consolation prizes, they were maybe second best. Adoption was often something hidden instead of out in the open. However, becoming an adoptive parent changed everything for me.

Just talk to a barren couple on a waiting list, ask what they think of adopted children and they might just burst into tears right in front of you, out of pure longing. When you have a desire for a child, and that longing goes unfulfilled, it is a pain that cannot be expressed. But when you get that call that a child is coming, it is unimaginably wonderful. The overwhelming majority of adopted children are wanted, very very badly. They have been prayed for and ached for, oftentimes for many years before they are born. To be adopted is to be the answer to the prayers of a parent, to be adopted is to be chosen.

But I was taught that the Jews were the natural children and the Gentiles were adopted, and not understanding what I explained above, I felt like a second class citizen.

Ro 9:3 For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh:

4 Who are Israelites; to whom pertaineth the adoption, and the glory, and the covenants, and the giving of the law, and the service of God, and the promises;

But right here, Paul says that we are ALL adopted, all who are of Israel, those who were born Jews as well as those who were born Gentiles. There is only one flesh and blood son of God, and that is Yeshua (Jesus) the Messiah, born of a woman and of the Spirit of God. The rest of us are all adopted, no one above any other. There is one first born Son and the rest of us are added in as we are found (because were were lost) and chosen.

Eph 1:5 Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,

I could go on and on about adoption and what it means for us and what it was about historically with Yeshua and Moses, who were both adopted, but I want to recommend a series of teachings by Rico Cortes from Wisdom in Torah Ministries on the Laws of Adoption in the Ancient Near East, there is a small yearly charge to access his site, but it is well worth it. I am not here to cover history, especially when someone else does it better than I do, but instead to talk about what adoption means as it relates to our relationship with the Father.

Continuing on, our adoption was also a contested one — not by their wonderful birthmother but by their birthfather, who was in prison for some very serious crimes. In the same way, we were also the result of a contested adoption, and it was our natural father, the devil (John 8:44), who was fighting it tooth and nail. Our adoption of Matthew and Andrew cost us every cent we had and then some, but when God adopted us, it cost Yeshua His life. When we look at our sons, we see all that money as proof of their value and how badly the enemy wanted them out of our home, and when God the Father sees us, I imagine that He must see our worth in terms of the price He paid as well. I am certainly not comparing myself to God but I believe with all my heart that we had this experience for a reason, and I have to believe that the lessons He taught us are there for others to glean from.

And so here’s where we get to the part of the story that He showed me this afternoon, and it really grieved me.

The cruelest thing an adopted child can do to their parent is what I am about to share with you. It’s something that hurts bad enough when other people imply it or outright say it, but when your child says it it’s just like a knife to the heart. I will never forget the day, probably about a year ago, when I asked my son Andrew to do something for me, and he refused. I told him that I was his mother and that he would do what I was telling him to do — and he looked me right in the eye with a nasty smirk and said the words I had always dreaded, “You aren’t my real mother.” And with a triumphant look, he turned around and ignored me. I honestly hurt more than I knew it was possible to hurt. This beautiful child who I had given up everything for, my job, my freedom, our money, our lives — he had just told me that none of what I DID mattered, that he didn’t recognize my authority in his life. Authority that was borne not out of conquest, but established every day of his life in loving acts.

But don’t we do that to God our Father as well? When we refuse to obey His commandments, we may not hear these sorts of things coming from our mouths, but are we telling Him that He’s not our real Father through our actions? If our actions and our true motivations behind them could speak out loud, would they sound like this?

Your laws are legalistic!

I have better things to do on a Saturday than spend it with You!

Look, the feasts are interesting, but my friends want me to spend Christmas and Easter with them, so go spend Passover with the Jews!

Oh my gosh, do You even have to control what I eat now?

Fringes, what, do you want me to look like an idiot?

It’s not like You’re my real Father.

Of course, we don’t say it like that out loud, but is that what our actions say? Isn’t that what we believe our children are really saying to us when they refuse to obey? When I think about how badly Andrew hurt me with what he SAID, and I look back over the years at the things I have DONE, well, wasn’t Andrew simply being more honest about his contempt for my authority than I was being with God?

What part of “And YHVH spoke to Moses, saying, “Command the children of Israel to…” is too hard for me to deal with? Am I not one of the children of Israel now? Paul sure says I am in Ephesians 2! Was the price He paid for me insufficient? Has he not firmly established His right to be my authority and then built upon that with even more loving-kindness and grace? Do I want to tell Him that He’s not my real Father when I have longed for that type of relationship my whole life?

I want you to know that when Andrew turned his back on me, he had already seen the look on my face and his exultation didn’t last long. When my pain really hit him, he repented and he has never repeated the comment. But perhaps he had to learn how deeply I love him, by finding out exactly how deeply he could hurt me. And I think that I had to learn how deeply I hurt God when I refuse to recognize His authority to set up the rules of His own house.

We reject God the Father all the time, as a Body as well as individually. And I’ll tell you something, He receives us back in repentance not because He has to but because He wants to. I know that because when Andrew came to me and told me I was his only mommy… well, let’s say we were both pretty emotional. So, right now I want to say something publicly.

“Father God, You ARE my real Father.”

Andy and myself when he was about 2